As 2015 spills over in 2016, it’s time to make some recommendations and predictions for the future. Wine ’n About’s Wine Lover’s Horoscope will tell you all about your year in wine.Aries
Only drink new world wine. Drinking old world wine in the new year could result in old passions being rekindled. Having a quickie with an old lover might seem like fun until you’re woken up the next day by the stale Bourgogne breath from a person you’d swore you never sleep with again.
The year looks promising for you. You’ll go to many wine tastings and learn lots and lots of new stuff about wine. However, avoid wearing anything too delicate as Mercury is in retrograde which leads people to be very clumsy, wine stains will be unavoidable.
When the Pole Star aligns itself with the moon during the second celestial quarter, it would be wise to not follow your gut instinct when ordering wine on a date. Your gut feeling will be off and the wine will be bad and ruin your date. Please ask the sommelier for recommendations.
Anything goes when it comes to wine this year. We’d recommend to take advantage of this to collect a lot of bottles. You can stick candles in them, you can have your mom over, it’ll be nice.
You’ll suffer from a series of small but annoying health complains. Yet do not despair. A dark man will offer you wines with excellent minerality. Please take these wines, minerals are good for your health and are especially strong this year since the rings of Saturn will be turning counter clockwise.
You’ll receive an email from a Nigerian Prince offering you to buy his supreme wine collection for a very affordable price. Don’t go for it, Nigerian princes are known for their bad taste in wine.
Never eat while drinking wine for the first half of the year. You’re running the risk of choking on an oddly tasting potato chip and people will drink bad Australian red at your funeral.
Somebody near to you will tell you you’re drinking too much wine. They’re wrong. You should drink as much wine as you want this year.
If you find yourself lost in a wine store, don’t panic. Be open minded and look for new opportunities. With new opportunities we mean new people to have sex with. You’ll find them looking at South-African sparkling wine.
Invest heavily in an ice bucket and an ice-maker. Invest heavily in Champagne, Franciacorta will do as well. You’ll need it. That’s all we can say for now.
There will be a lot of full moons this year, 12 in total. During full moons you should drink red wine and perform spiritual cleansing. An old friend will come to your door with offerings of Chardonnay. Invite him/her in but don’t open the bottle. Donate the Chardonnay to the homeless shelter later, it’s too cheap for your tastes.
Drinking wine this year will reveal your other self. This can be good, this can be bad. But if things turn out bad, don’t say we didn’t warn you!
[Article by Alexander Eeckhout]